October and November always mark a kind of bi-monthly anniversary for me. October was the month my cancer was diagnosed and operated upon and November was when I got myself all radioactive. I don’t look back on this time with any regret, rather a celebration, because something bad ended and something new began.
Certainly, my life is undeniably different from the way it was before, not just because I’m now a pill popper, serial weight gainer and champion cat yawner, but because I don’t count my days, I make my days count. At least I try to. I don’t always get it right and occasionally find myself sweating buckets over some small stuff until I get a grip and say to myself, “Meh, you really want to waste time and energy worrying about that?” Me and my first world problems!
I probably don’t look like a survivor. You can hardly see my scar now. It’s almost invisible. Sometimes, I give it a once over with Vitamin E – just for fun. I said to David that if I ever get ill again, at least I won’t have to worry about finding a good surgeon. Then David reminded me, my surgeon’s work is done. My neck is so empty there’s nothing for him to work with. Oh yeah, I forgot about that! Crazy stuff!
I feel like a survivor though. There’s nothing more empowering than triumphing over adversity.I don’t want to kid myself into thinking I am Cancer free, but I do think about how lucky I am to be well, this minute, this hour, this day. It’s such a wonderful gift.